God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
