Acid is not a monday night drug
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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