I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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