You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
