I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
