My room smells like vodka and shame
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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