I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
