Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
