Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
