I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
