don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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