I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
