No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
