I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
