and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
