I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
