I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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