If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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