did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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