Whod you bang
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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