and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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