what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
