He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
