ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
