she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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