hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
