You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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