literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
