You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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