Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I got inside last night via doggy door
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
