I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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