My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
