oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
