Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
