Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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