Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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