does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Is Oprah even human
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
