honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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