I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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