I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize