I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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