Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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