You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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