He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
