Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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