Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
