I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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