Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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