i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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