i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
