i permit you to call me
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
