I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
