Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
