i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
