did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm like, not good at living.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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