If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
