so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
