you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
