Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
