This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he puts the penis in happiness.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
