two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
