He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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