Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
