she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize