I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
