is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
