he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
