We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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